Embracing the Unexpected

What does volunteering, interpersonal communication, and being a loud talker have in common? For me, a great deal.

The VOLUNTEERING

               At the end of last year, Dawn and I spent a cold December morning at a local cemetery for Wreaths Across America. Her dad was buried there last year and we were moved to volunteer for this event and the clean up a few months later. There was a glitch in logistics and second trailer of wreaths was going to be late. When it was due to arrive, the cemetery was going to be lined with all volunteers’ vehicles, making it difficult for the tractor trailer to navigate the narrow paths. This meant that wherever the truck was able to park, it was going to require a lot of walking or figuring out how to transport boxes of wreaths to volunteers in areas they were needed. I volunteered my truck (Char) to transport boxes and I must say it was a ton of fun. It has been years since I was able to hang off a trailer as it moved from location to location or have folks hop in the bed of my truck, jump, out and get to work. There was so much community and everywhere we looked, there were groups of people in the beds of trucks, pitching in to help. But every successful job needs a leader.

The INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

               All operations, large or small, need someone that is in charge who is also an experienced communicator. That is usually me, but on this day, Dawn and I chose to be minions, sorta.  As I was chatting up some folks, the person in charge over heard me talking about some of the work I do in leadership and development and my background in construction. She asked me a couple questions, I answered, and we may have spoken for a minute. In maybe 60 seconds, the conversation had been meaningful enough, authentic enough, that she let me know where her jeep was parked and we could expand our conversation. But first,,,,,,,

it was back to work. These wreaths were not going to place themselves.

               At the end, we chatted for about 15 more minutes. We briefly talked about life and family and our philosophy on coaching and mentoring. This went very well. So much so that we later met four additional hours, just chatting, and expanding on everything. It was very personal, very deep, very authentic, and a relief. Her and I aligned in so many ways. Mostly, how we approach life and working with people. You know, the most valuable resource in any organization. Yes, those people.

Blame it on the LOUD VOICE

It was a chance conversation, folks. Kindness matters as does being available to take in new experiences. The quality of our communication and how we treat others should never be turned off. She heard me talking and asked me about a conversation that she was not initially a part of. Now, for those of you who have not heard me speak, she was not being nosey. There is a certain amount of attention that my voice draws no matter what I am saying. I am also loud, deep-voiced, and articulate. When I whisper, Dawn says I am being loud. Sheesh. I could recite the ABC’s or Humpty Dumpty and people would turn their heads. True story, a citizen, working at a Mexican airport, asked me if I was on the radio after just a few words. She did not violate any rules of “mind your own business”, however, because she was listening, because I was being kind in my words, and because I talk really loudly, I could be heard above the crowd.

What does all this mean? Now, the WRAP UP

               In the end, a personal interaction has led to myself working as a member of her coaching group. Her reach, resources, and experience as an executive coach is going to provide an extended platform to reach folks with my message. My experiences are going to add value to what she is currently offering in the form of new and exciting products for mid-level and front-line managers and employees. For now, nothing here is going to change. I have struggled a bit with where to put this in my list of professional items. On one hand, I am sad that I was not able to expand on my own. At the same time, working with someone who has the resources and systems in place is an open door that I want to jump through and explore. Perhaps this is the expansion after all. I am excited to have the autonomy to weave both of our contents into an amazing series of programs for our clients.

“Whatever it is you’re seeking won’t come in the form you’re expecting.” 

– Haruki Murakami

Change is tough, it is not always something that we expect. Some of the best change is unexpected. The quote above is part of my email signature and it speaks to me every time I read it. This experience is evidence that it is true, and that unexpected change can be good change. Still scary as hell, but potentially good if we have the space and patience for it to reveal itself and grow.

Now, I am off to practice whispering.

May y’all be happy, healthy, and safe.

t.t.

Day 31 – Where is the Best Place to Watch the Sunset Near You?

note: this is part of #bloganuary where each day in the month of January, there is a prompt that we can write on.

Well, I did it. Except for the day the internet went out, (which I am not counting) I have posted every day, on the day and completed the challenge I made to myself, and to all of you, 31 days ago. I do appreciate each of you taking the time to read and comment on my posts. I will be using the next few weeks to go through and explore other posts that I just did not have the time to dedicate to.

I will begin with the best places that I have watched the sunset anywhere. Here in North Ohio, we have trees and a lot of them. The different seasons provide us with so much beauty as the leaves come and go and change color throughout the year. The fall foliage here is truly amazing, reds, golds, browns, yellows; a painters palette of colors.

Having said all that and making those of you without foliage a bit jealous, I will return to sunsets near me towards the end.

A few months ago, I was working in the north west part of the state about 90 minutes away. It was near a large body of water with views for hundreds of miles. The sunsets there were vast. One of the really neat side effects of being near a large body of water with dramatically different seasons, is the way the different cloud formations reflects the sun as it fades into the western sky. It is one of the spectacular benefits of living here; the sky never looks the same twice and it changes as you approach the Great Lakes.

Earlier this year, we traveled to California, near Los Angeles, for a birthday celebration. The home we stayed at was in Santa Anna where we had to travel up a pretty steep road to get to the home. Being so close to the ocean and elevated as we were, the sunsets were pretty spectacular there as well. But still not the best and certainly a long way from home.

I asked Dawn about this today as well to get her opinion and we both agreed on this sunset. Several years ago we traveled to las Vegas to take in the Fourth of July festivities. When we arrived we rented a car and headed out of the Grand Canyon to see the sights before returning to our digs in Sin City. I had never been, but Dawn had many years before so it was a good time to take this in together.

Side note: if you have followed, you already know that I like to drive and am not afraid to drive fast. You would think that being near the desert, and traveling on highways with basically no speed limits would have been heaven. On the contrary, it was not that fun. See, I rented a nice little SUV, emphasis on little, with a tiny engine. Dear god, I had my foot pegged to the floor and still cars were passing us like nothing. We passed a cop and he may have been laughing at how “slow” we were going. I am surprised I did not blow the damn thing up. Next time, we rent a convertible sports car with a big engine. When that happens, I will have to share driving with the boss. She likes to get her foot into it as well.

Now, back you your regularly scheduled blog post:

Folks, the colors of the Grand Canyon are truly spectacular and unless you have a very good camera, it is impossible to capture them as they appear to the naked eye. Our plan was to head out and stay somewhere near Hoover Dam as we were going to visit there the next day. Those plans changed once we saw the canyon in person. It will also not surprise those that follow me that we did not go to the “touristy” spot. Oh no, we traveled several hours to the other end, and we are glad we did. We were able to free climb to several spots that were not really “safe” and did not have “normal” ways of getting there. We found the last hotel room available and stayed to watch the sunset. The picture above is not even close to capturing the beauty that is available to take in. What made this even more spectacular was that there was a storm on the other side of the Canyon. It provided visitors a visual context of the vast expanse in front of us and why this is one of the seven natural wonders of the world. We were warm and dry on one side while the other side provided us with dramatic cloud formations and impressive lightning that lit up the distant sky. The various colors of the different layers of exposed earth seemed to change depending on the suns reflection as it was sinking out of view. Not to be left out, the lack of artificial light also provided us with a very clear view of the galaxy above. We were told the sunrises were also not to be missed and got up very early to see that as well. Same earth layers but different hues once again. The Grand Canyon is where we have experienced the best sunsets ever.

But still, that does not answer the question. Where is the best place near me?

There is an old golf course near us that is used as a nature preserve and fitness area now. The elevations there take you far above the trees where you can view the sunset for longer. And while that is near me, still not the best place near me.

Despite being at the Grand Canyon, California, and on cruise ships, the best place to watch the sunset near me is, in the back yard of Thompsonville with Dawn. There is no better view than being there, with her by my side. Where, no matter what direction my eyes travel, up or down to my side, I am surrounded, amazed, and grateful for the beauty that am able to take in at that very moment.

May y’all be happy, healthy, and safe.

t.t.

Day 30 – What Would you Title the Chapters of Your Autobiography?

note: this is part of #bloganuary where each day in the month of January, there is a prompt that we can write on.

I had to look up the difference between this topic and a memoir just to be sure my responses aligned with the subject of the prompt.

I have never thought about it, however, the idea of writing about my life, and decades from now others would take something away from my story is pretty humbling to imagine. Unless something changes, this is not a part of my future. A quick search for content of an autobiography states that the first prerequisite is that the author is someone famous. Well, that is just not me. To many people I am Dawn’s husband and that just does not scream famous. What that really means is that I am the arm candy that she brings with her to events and then asks me to sit in the corner until she calls for me. I am also very good at fetching her drinks when she needs them and making sure the car is warm when it is time to leave. HAHA. In all seriousness, her and I have too much fun with this as it did feel like that to me for a while. My wife is a rock star where she works but we are all friends now.

Since I am drawing a blank on specific titles for each chapter, I guess the question would be how do I want the reader to interpret each “chapter” of my life? For sure I have had some really crappy things happen to me and including them is part of the story. They in turn have shaped my life and how my brain interprets day to day occurrences. I have had many epic experiences along the way, each one making an impact on the story of the person I am and the example I try to set each day. I would want the chapters to speak to the honesty of the information covered without leaving the reader with, “I am so sorry that happened to you” as there take away. I would want folks to be uplifted and I would want my story to appeal to everyone. That is very important.

As I re-read this, it occurs to me that it may be fun to start writing an autobiography and leave it for future generations of my family to read. It would be fun to write it as if I was “famous”, and perhaps to them I will be.

For me I will want each chapter to hint to the readers what to expect and begin to build excitement even before they read the first word of each chapter. So here is what I am thinking. I will see if Andy Grammer will let me buy the use of his song “Damn it Feels Good to be Me” Then I will use that for each chapter with a different sub-title.

I definitely think in terms of chronological order so this format would be a good fit for my brain; each chapter representing a different time in my life. For example, the first chapter would be birth and would be titled:

“Damn it Feels Good to be Me”

I mean if I could have spoken right out of the womb, I am sure that is what I would have said. Right mom?

This current chapter might be something along the lines of:

“Damn it Feels Good to be Me;

Married for Twenty Three”

See what I did there? Although, shoot, that has a limited life span unless she bails on me before number twenty four. Damnit, I guess I better get to writing then just in case.

I look forward to closing the month out strong tomorrow and reading about your autobiographies because I have no clue what I would title the chapters of mine.

Peace out y’all

t.t.

Day 29 – What is Something you Learned Recently?

note: this is part of #bloganuary where each day in the month of January, there is a prompt that we can write on.

Well folks, what I learned to day is that writing, the way I like to, with a ton of thought, meaning, and insight, is difficult and there are days that you just do not have it.

Today is that day.

However, being so close to the end of the month and being able to say that I published each day of the month; not publishing today is simply not an option.

I learned that today.

Yesterday I learned something else. Toddlers like to do the goofiest things and those things make them laugh. When I allow myself to sit back and really take in the moments, having both of our grandchildren around is helping me rediscover the mindless joy in the simplest things. Yesterday, Dawn and I stacked large Legos on the coffee table, just so that we could abruptly swipe them away as we say “boom”. Then genuine giggles from the little man and belly laughs from the two of us.

What I was reminded of yesterday is that it is never to late to relearn the childish joy in simplest things. To look past this fun because we are too old or do not have the time is so common, isn’t it? Life has a way of numbing us to the simple pleasures.

Like filling a bucket with Legos just to turn it upside down and dump it back out, laughing at all the noise and mess of it all.

To give ourselves permission to participate in and enjoy the goofy in life without caring about the chaos, noise, or sheer childishness of the whole ordeal. At some point we think are “too old” for kids games. Many of us have those thoughts. I can remember the announcement I made when I announced that I was not “tommy” any more because I was too old for childish names. No, from then to just a few years ago, I was exclusively “tom” or Thomas (my given name). I am glad that I am not that “old” anymore. I will take Tommy all day long.

What have I learned recently?

Each and every day I make an attempt to have fun. It is not easy and on many days it does look or feel the way I would like. Today, was one of those days folks. It did not feel like or sound like fun. However, it was a good day full of gratitude for the people that I am surrounded with who are so special to me.

But it does not compare to yesterday, where Dawn and I had mindless fun while babysitting our grandson. Decades after I announced to the world that I was too old for childish names, I am back to sitting on the floor and playing with blocks enjoying the simple joy of matching the shapes and getting the pieces to line up. And then:

Ahhhhhhh, boommmmm ……as the pieces are sent headlong across the room, scattering in every direction.

We pick them up and do it again. A little face, wide eyed with an expression of joyful anticipation waiting for grandma and grandpa to do something silly. And then the giggle that melts your heart and tells you that you did good. The giggle that is more rewarding that any medal, promotion, or award that you can ever achieve.

What did I learn recently, I try to remember to be silly, have fun, and truly enjoy the simplicities in day to day life.

Have a good one y’all,

t.t.

Day 28 – Describe Your Perfect Birthday Cake.

note: this is part of #bloganuary where each day in the month of January, there is a prompt that we can write on.

As a kid, I can remember my mom making birthday cakes for me and my brother. I assume it was to save money, but it was awesome. One birthday in particular, I do not remember the year, she made me a race car cake. Of course she did. It was a single layer, if I remember. She would make the white cake in pans and then cut out the shapes and frost in the colors. I do not remember a lot of birthday cakes, but I remember that one for sure; it was extra special. Thank you, Mom.

At some point, Mom moved on from cakes to pies. But not just any pie, her apple pie is the off the hook. The entire thing is made from scratch, including the crust. Fresh granny smith apples too. The ones that are extra tart are the best. The best part, aside from the pie itself, was that when mom was making pie, she would make extra crust, cut it into strips, bake it and sprinkle it with cinnamon sugar. It was dessert crust. Yummy.

Along with apple, she makes rhubarb pie. A fresh out of the oven, warm slice of pie, slowly melting a scoop of real vanilla bean ice cream in the bowl. That is a dessert that I do not feel guilty eating; worthy of indulging.

Mom was kind enough to pass her recipes to Dawn and it is just as amazing. No! None of y’all are going to get me into the inevitable “so is my pie better than your mom’s pie” discussion. They are both awesome! wink wink. My mom’s is the best when she makes it and Dawn’s is the best when she makes it and that folks keeps yours truly on the nice list with both of these amazing ladies.

Part of the process for both of these ladies is being particular about how the apple slices are placed. Dawn is very concerned that when the pie is cut, the profile layering has a beautiful appealing look to it. As she is assembling it, each layer of apples is stacked in a certain order and then covered in cinnamon sugar. Now, this is a very appealing snack for me and since she does not make baked cinnamon sticks for me like my mommy, I may take an apple slice or two. Now, the first time I did this and she caught me, it was cute, she said something cute, and we moved on. However, the next time I stole a lightly covered apple slice, oh man. The look that she gave me and the words that she spoke told me that my five foot two, spit fire of a wife was going to bring all her wrath on me. Now, I still thought it was cute, until I realized that my life was really in danger and I should stop now before it got really ugly. HAHA Apparently, I do not want to violate the apple pie stacking experience. I have since learned my lesson and I never do that,,,,,,,,,

when she is looking.

My favorite birthday cake, is birthday pie. Birthday apple pie!

Have a great day y’all.

t.t.

Day 27 – What are the Pros and Cons of Procrastination?

note: this is part of #bloganuary where each day in the month of January, there is a prompt that we can write on.

My routine in the morning is to sit with Dawn and enjoy our coffee. We play Wordle with two of our kids and post the results. We talk about the birds, play with the cats, and then we are off to work. I try not to open my email on my phone. I have been working to separate work from pleasure and emails are usually “work” related. However, I look forward to the prompt of the day and so I make an exception for just that one email.

This morning I looked at it, closed my phone with intent and tossed it in the chair. Seriously, this is a detailed topic. I asked Dawn, “am I supposed to write a medical journal entry”? She laughed and said that perhaps they were looking for information for a dissertation.

Look, this is a really broad subject, but I will go there, I am a procrastinator. I have been for a very long time. Why? Well for large projects, it is because I overthink everything that I do and undervalue my ability to do it well.

“Oh look, there is a project that I think I can take on”.

Next thought, “what are all the ways that I can mess this up?”.

Then “what would a professional be doing?”.

By the time I am done with all of the questioning, it has been days, weeks, years and I have second guessed myself so much that even Dawn has crossed it off her “honey do” list. UGH. It is literally exhausting the way my brain works.

For everyday tasks however, it looks like this:

I start to do the dishes, leads to I need to take out the recycles, leads to I should take a few minutes to shovel the walk, leads me to go back in the house to warm my hands in the soapy water that is now lukewarm as it has been an hour since I started washing dishes.

Wait, is that a squirrel in the tree, wait, what was I thinking again?

I know that many of you can feel my pain.

The Pros and Cons

of my “mental” process

One of the pros, maybe the only pro for the larger projects, is that because it takes so long for me to analyze every possibility of failure, when I do get down to working on it, it usually turns out top notch. This past year, I made two high quality pieces of furniture for our grandchildren, a memorial flag case for Dawn’s dad, and we made ornaments for the grandchildren for Christmas. However, the con is that each project takes so long to complete that a ton of other projects have cropped up as well and I will never get to the end.

As for the day to day procrastination, for me, the biggest reason is that my brain wants to be in the future or in the past. This means, for me, that instead of taking and making the time to complete a project in the present, there is always something that I did not do or something that I will need to do, that interrupts my focus as illustrated above. Something simple like the dishes leads to five other things and I never finish the dishes.

While I have posted about my commitment to publish here each day of January, and to read one book a month. My biggest and scariest commitment is to:

finish… one…thing…at…a …time.

That also means not over committing, leaving time for errors, and slowing down.

And here is something we do not provide time for – taking a few moments to appreciate the work that we did instead of mindlessly moving to the next task. I come from a family of over-committers. We are always filling every moment of every day with something. We always think there is time for just one more item. Well, I have had enough. This year, I have committed to leaving time to complete projects with leeway for whatever, including a few minutes to admire my work. Perhaps, if I finish really early, instead of moving to the next one, I take a nap. After reading their posts, I believe that is what my friend Janet and her friend Sarah would suggest. Thanks ladies. HAHA

Speaking of commitment, tonight, Dawn and I have committed to going to our youngest daughter’s house where she and her husband are hosting homemade fondue with wine. And since Dawn is my editor, and she is tough, I have to finish this and get it to her early. Honestly, she is the nicest, most caring, and loving woman and friend that I could ever have. But, the last thing I want to do is make her late for cheese fondue and drinks on a Friday. Seriously, lasers will shoot out of her eyes and pierce my soul. And if I have to drive fast to get there; well, those who follow my blog know how that will go. It is just better if I peace out now.

It is close to 5 o’clock here on the east coast. The work bell is going to ring and we are out of here to get our grub on. There is no procrastinating on this day.

May y’all be happy, healthy, and safe.

t.t.

Day 26 – What Language do you Wish you Could Speak?

note: this is part of #bloganuary where each day in the month of January, there is a prompt that we can write on.

It has been a long day and I am thankful for the simplicity of this prompt. Dawn and I, pre-Covid, enjoyed traveling out of the country for vacation. Typically, we found ourselves at a resort in the Caribbean Sea – Riviera Maya (where we were on a four wheeler tour), the Dominican Republic, somewhere that isn’t Cancun. We truly enjoy going to new places and trying to experience the culture. We have also come to notice that whether we are in London, Mexico, the Dominican Republic, or Texas, local residents appreciate it when visitors make an honest attempt to appreciate local food, traditions, and language. For example, on our most recent cruise, one of our stops was Puerto Rico. Once we were done seeing some of the sites with the limited time we had. We found a local bar, had drinks and talked up the bar tender. Then, while shopping, we started to ask local shop owners where the best place to eat was. While many of the cruisers were eating Subway near the port, Dawn and I posted up at an amazing diner that you could tell was very popular with local residents. I have no idea what we ate but it was unlike anything that we have ever eaten before and it was amazing. Because we spent time getting to know the culture we are looking forward to taking a vacation to Puerto Rico in the future.

During a trip to Quintana Roo, we stayed at an adults only resort. No, it is not what it sounds like. It simply means that there are no children screaming “cannonball” into the pool and contaminating my serene experience and my drink with the backsplash of their fun. Every morning as I would run the grounds, the staff was so friendly to greet me with buenos días. During one of our dinners, the waiter, jokingly but not really, would not take my order until I attempted to ask for the dish in Spanish. He was awesome and always made sure that I had my own bottle of wine at every meal.

Even for some of my every day activities, it would be helpful to have working understanding of the Spanish language. This way, next time with the server wants to be funny, I can easily surprise them by placing my menu order in Spanish, albeit with a really bad American accent. Being able to speak and understand Spanish is the language that I am going to learn.

Day 25 – What is a Song or Poem that Speaks to You and Why?

note: this is part of #bloganuary where each day in the month of January, there is a prompt that we can write on.

Oh man, a good one for sure. Even though I enjoyed the “poem prompt” from earlier in the month. I am not a poem guy. So for this it will be a song or songs, that speak to me.

Earlier in the month, I was back and forth with my friend, Janet, on this subject, as well. Growing up, I had a transistor radio next to my bed. At some point, I also had a tape recorder. Before the ease of downloading, you had to make your own tapes. I would sit for hours next to the recorder and listen for my favorite song, hit record, and listen intently so that I shut it off as soon as the song was over. You were always mad when the DJ talked over the beginning or end of the song. HAHA.

I have always listened to country and folksy music. When I was very young, I listened to a lot of John Denver and I owned several albums too. Recently, I downloaded some of his songs and I was amazed that I still knew all the words. When I was old enough to work in the barn across the street, I would help with manure clean up. It was usually a Sunday and I would volunteer to skip church to help out. Sorry, Mom. See, I was not really permitted to listen to rock stations. My dad hated anything that was not big band or Lawrence Welk and Mom did her best to shield me from the “evil” rock and roll music. Even though she loved the man that changed rock and roll for ever, Elvis Presley, and his scandalous hip thrusts. HAHA

Back to the farmer. He always played our local rock and roll station while we were cleaning up manure. It was awesome and I discovered my love of this genre of music. Pink Floyd, Foreigner, Van Halen, Judas Priest. Hair bands, heavy metal, it was all amazing to me. At the same time, I still loved Country music. Not the twangy, (queue the accent), “I came home from work and found that I am out of beer, my wife took my dog and ran off with the preacher” kind. I loved the era of Garth Brooks.

I knew who the Jackson Five were for most of my life, but really loved listening to Michael Jackson. His music and his dance moves will forever be a part of music culture. This, in turn, led me to listening to more pop music, but I draw the line at boy bands. They will make my ears bleed. Yucky.

In high school, I was encouraged by my mom to join choir and then they all encouraged me to join theater. Musicals mostly, probably because I had the lowest voice in school. If you have ever listened to the Oak Ridge Boys, I used to be able to sing along with the low stuff. Now, I loved being a part of theater and choir, but I just cannot listen to show tunes outside of the actual show. I do not listen to opera, but I was part of a barber shop quartet; they needed a bass. I love me a day of listening to Pentatonix, I like some hip hop; I really enjoy the artist collaborations of the different genres that is popular now. I love DJ mix and club-house music too.

I truly love listening to music and my taste is so eclectic. I search out new artists and styles and try to embrace the evolution of music. Currently, my playlist will go from Darius Rucker, to Cypress Hill, to Prince; Hardy and Lainey Wilson, to Sofi Tucker. Throw in some Pretty Reckless, Halestorm, Five Finger Death Punch, and Cleveland’s own MGK for good measure. I also grew up in the 80s, the era of one hit wonders like Donnie Iris, Tommy Tutone, and Thomas Dolby, all currently on my playlist, along with a song from a group that calls themselves Dinosaur Pile up.

I told you, I am all over the place.

Music brings me to tears and brings a smile to my face. I can feel the music. If I hear a song that directly relates to how I feel about my wife and kids, tears stream down my face. In fact, as I was practicing my father of the bride speech for our oldest, I was on my way to meet the guys, play golf, and pregame a bit. As I am practicing my speech in my vehicle, there is music in the background and I begin to cry. Not just tears rolling down my face. Oh no, this was was full blown, shaky lip crying. What the hell! No way nearly 300 hundred guests want to watch me blubbering while giving my speech. I decided to get the crying out of the way then and there, making way for an excellent speech. Whew!

So, what song is it already?!

One song in particular stirs up strong emotions. My first car was a little Honda that the previous owner added some performance pieces to. I loved that car. One evening on my way home from work, it was wet and I was approaching an intersection that I had passed through hundreds of times. Now, I was not yet 18. As I approached the intersection, the light turns yellow and I am doing the speed limit. But, yellow does not mean caution, it means reach for the shifter, grab a lower gear, and punch it. That is exactly what I did, however it was not the outcome I had hoped for. At about 60 miles an hour, I broadsided another car in cross traffic. I had underestimated the time it would take for me to clear the intersection safely. I can remember the feeling of my car spinning out of control as I pressed every pedal and kept downshifting. My car came to rest on the other side of the intersection and neither of us required medical care, which is incredible considering it was the 80s.

Great story bro, how does this relate to the question of the day?

Fair enough. At the very time I was driving, at the very moment of impact, I was blasting one of my tapes and the song I was rocking out to……… wait for it,

I can’t drive 55 by Sammy Hagar.

How is that for coincidence? In fact, one of the only things still working after the crash, as I gained back perspective of what had happened, was the radio and it was still playing that damned song. Each time I pass that intersection, I hear the song. Each time I hear the song, I am right back to that intersection. It takes me back to the pain in my entire body. The burns and bruises from the seat belts. That song will forever hold a special place in my memory banks.

Looking forward to reading all of yours.

Be happy, healthy, and safe.

t.t.

Day 24 – How Do You Show Love?

note: this is part of #bloganuary where each day in the month of January, there is a prompt that we can write on.

This a great question and instead of just answering, I believe I will provide some personal context. I will also give the credit to Dawn. It is she that helped show me what love is.

I am sure, just like all of you, how I show love has evolved over the years. I was raised by parents who had solid values and a code of conduct. There was little visible affection shown in my house or with the people in our circle. I can remember it being something that was out of the ordinary when people held hands. Back in the day, public displays of affection were not really a thing. In fact, all through my high school years, just holding hands with another person as you walked to class was not allowed. Visible, physical forms of love or affection were not part of my upbringing, not part of the era in which I was raised. And while this is something that sounds ridiculous now, it really helped to shape my idea of love. I often tell the story of when I started hugging my dad and saying “I love you” just a few years before he passed away. I was the only man, that I know of, that had that interaction with my dad, but I’ll be damned if I was going to wait for that until he was gone. Now, it is common for men to hug and I take advantage of that.

As we all do, we are not sure what love is and we are awkward, at best, at the outset. I have been married once before, and just like now, I thought love was a part of it. And it was, for a while I suppose. But soon love was not enough in my first go around. There needed to be more.

When I met Dawn and we started talking, we would go on long walks after work and just chat. About her life, my life, just stuff. We each had our own kids that we could talk about that as well. There was no real intention to the walks on my part. I was not looking for anything, just a friend that I enjoyed sharing time with. I am not sure why she walked with me. She will tell you that my work attitude sucked and she thought I was an A-hole. Her words, not mine. HAHA

But all that changed during one of our walks.

It was not unlike any of our other walks. We were just chatting and walking side by side. At one point, my hand brushed against hers. Yes, it was an accident for all you doubters out there. But it was an amazing brush of her hand. As I write about it here, it sounds silly, and yet it was so special. Perhaps it reminded me of when I saw my parents hold hands. I could feel the connection they had during that simple and timeless gesture. For me, that is when there may or may not have become an intention to the walks. It was no longer just about chatting about our lives, I was wanting to spend time with her.

At some point she felt the same way and one night, as I am approaching my vehicle, there is a note on the windshield. As I approach with excitement to see what she wrote, I am caught off guard and unsure what to make of it. Inside the note she had written,

“I am deeply in like with you”

WHAT?! Deeply in LIKE. What the heck does that mean? What’s next, I love you like a brother.

UGH. I am doomed here.

See, up until that moment, “like” was not really part of what I thought love was. Look, you’re either in love or you’re not. But I had to admit that this “like” thing felt really good. In fact, it felt better than any love than I had ever felt. It was amazing! I was just hoping it was not the “like a brother” type of “like” she felt for me.

This one note with seven words disrupted my belief of what love was and turned it upside down. And thank goodness she did. When we were married, her daughter became my instant daughter, and with my two kids a family of five. Being in a blended family, I have come to understand that love is just a word. A word meant to describe a deep, unbreakable bond that people have. It does not matter whether the bond is with glue, or tape, or blood,

or with “like”…..The bond is still strong.

When did I know I was in love with Dawn? It started with an accidental brush of her hand and solidified when I understood that I too was also deeply in like with her.

How Do I Show Love?

By being kind, being honest, being loyal, being a good person. Except perhaps when I am being an A-hole on the highway. HAHA

Besides, Dawn is not the “buy me flowers cause you messed up” kind of girl. That does not cut it in the “I am sorry, I love you” category. There is no amount of flowers or jewelry that can get me out of the dog house. But, buy her flowers for no reason at all except to celebrate her; show her that no matter what, I truly appreciate her, always. That is the “love” that has gotten us through 23 plus years together and helps to minimize my “doghouse” penalty time. When it comes to relationships with a significant other, at some point the passionate nights and romantic dinners wane. We get older, and while not gone, that part of your love life shifts. It constantly shifts. But I have always known that the key to my relationship happiness was finding that person that I can sit in silence with on a front porch swing, enjoying an afternoon cocktail and reading as we watch the sun set or our grandchildren play. I am overcome with “like” that this is my future.

I show love to people I know, and people I do not know. A sincere thank you, a real hug, a firm handshake, looking someone right in their eyes. Thank you for being in like with me and me with you. I believe that it is a genuine care for people that manifests as a visible and invisible feeling that we name “love”.

I will forever be grateful for those words, “deeply in like”, as it has shaped my understanding of how to show real love. Be deeply in like with someone and you can’t help but show and feel real love.

May y’all be happy, healthy, and safe.

t.t.

Day 23 – What’s a Lie You Tell Yourself?

note: this is part of #bloganuary where each day in the month of January, there is a prompt that we can write on.

I am not a fan of answering this one. I have thought long and hard about if, or how, I would even respond. In short, this is probably better answered by someone else as I am not so good with this sort of evaluation.

Since I am not a fan of answering the question as asked, instead, here is a lie that I do not tell myself, but one that Dawn says about me. In good humor, of course.

See, I really like to drive. And, on occasion, I may or may not do things that could be considered reckless. For example, my passing a slow driver, using the entrance ramp designated for merging traffic may be considered dangerous. However, if I am looking to move around slower traffic and the lane is open, it seems perfectly reasonable to use it. I may have also used the median to pass slow moving cars on the highway.

She may have called bullshit on my reasoning.

I did also completely misjudge not one, but two sets of elevated railroad tracks and jumped my SUV with the family in it.

In order to have context for the rest of the story, you will need to be aware that Dawn will not so calmly say, “YOU ALMOST KILLED ME” on the rare occasion that I err. She says this with all seriousness, but in a joking manner of course. But not really. HAHA The conversation will go something like this:

Dawn: Dude, you almost killed me, us! (and yes, she does say dude)

Me: Babe, I disagree. I am just better than the drivers out here and taking advantage of opportunities that others are not skilled enough to take on.

In fact, in the SUV jumping example, it was totally on accident. However, due to my superior driving skills, I should be recognized here for avoiding disaster. I came up on one set of tracks, poorly marked on a 55 mile an hour country road. Not a problem. I will just hit the brakes hard and minimize the impact on the other side. Except that once I crested the first set of tracks and prepared for the decent on the other side, I see another set of elevated tracks immediately following. It was with great mastery, in true Dukes of Hazard meets Captain Sully form, that I was able to navigate this potential catastrophe and maintain the safety of all occupants of the vehicle. It was so good that our youngest, seated in the third row of the full-size, land-yacht SUV, shouted out “do it again, Daddy!”.

Here is where the story totally plays to my favor.

This happened on family day, on our way to cutting a Christmas tree. The very next year, at the same farm, there was a Jeep that had gone over the same set of tracks. The driver, not near as talented as myself, was unable to navigate the obstacle and there, in the ditch on the side of the road, was his busted up SUV with a broken front axle.

There ya go, love. We did not almost die. Myself, and our SUV, were way more awesome than that person and I was in total control. (She may have called BS on this response as well. )

Look, the bottom line here is that I had some deep, sad commentary of what lies I tell myself but I just could not do it today. I would rather debunk Dawn’s made up near-death experiences at the capable hands of my next level driving. It is a far better read.

Ok, sure, there have been a couple of times, maybe three at the most, that perhaps I should have taken a bit more caution and just driven like an old man. But hell, if I did that, we would not have all the exciting stories and memories to share.

Right, my love? wink, wink.

The good news for Dawn is now that I am an old man, car rides are much more calm.

I can not tell a lie though, I am a skilled and capable driver, that occasionally does something stupid.

Have a great Tuesday y’all.

t.t.