Who Can You Help Lead From Behind?

Happy Tuesday to all. It was a very successful weekend and is looking to be an amazing week for our family.

My wife and I and 200 plus others helped a local charity at an annual golf outing. It has been cancelled for the past couple of years and it was good to be back to see so many familiar faces again. Genuine “I’ve missed you” hugs, for folks that are like family. For myself and our foursome, it is not about the score on the golf card, and trust me, for many it is. It is about the scores of funds that were donated during the event. While attendance was down this year, it appeared as if this family came to support.

At the end of this week, my wife and I will watch our youngest daughter get married. As I prepare my speech, the emotions begin to build. I know that I have to practice the emotion in order to know how to avoid it on the day. My Daughter will be marrying into a very strong Lebanese family and for this, I have been practicing a single sentence that my future son-in-law prepared for me, in his families dialect. Nothing like adding an extra challenge for an Ohio boy who grew up in the country. I am setting my suit, bowties, and boots out for the big day. Making sure that I do just enough to compliment my wife and how amazing she is going to look.

I mention the above item on this tremendous Tuesday as an example of how we all can take a step back and lead from behind. The golf outing is not for my wife and I. And yet every year, she reaches out for volunteers to help the 200-300 golfers. I organize my foursome, encourage others to register, and look to local vendors to create baskets for the raffle.

For the wedding of our daughter, she is the star, followed closely by her husband, then mom, and then dad is a distant, well something.

While we have roles in the above events, we are not the ones who have the ultimate responsibility for the success or failure of these events. The above tasks were not delegated to us, but that does not prevent us from creating opportunities to lead from behind. In gathering up donations for raffle baskets, volunteers, and golfers, we have the opportunity to have an impact and help drive the success of the outing. It is the vision and sacrifice of the leaders that provide my wife and I an opportunity for greater success in our efforts to contribute.

The reason for the Lebanese sentence at the beginning of my speech is not a look at me moment. Although, it will feel good to nail it. No, the purpose is to create an opportunity for community of the two families. My daughter and her husband, because of their love, commitment, and friendship, has presented us an opportunity to be in the same room with 200 people we may have never met. For my part in helping them, my gesture is to extend that appreciation of community to the entire room.

As leaders of an organization, family, non-profit, etc, there are designated people with the written or unwritten title of leader. For my daughters wedding, she is both written and unwritten. That is the way it is with the bride. Providing members of our organization the autonomy to extend into their individual talents and desires provides an opportunity to create a special place for them in your “community”. Dictating the desired end result is necessary in most projects. However, by leaving room for suggestions, conversation, and clarification, it means that we are allowing folks to come to the table with their own creativity. Ideas that may spark other ideas, and so on. Next thing you know, the whole room is on board and excited to see how their piece impacts the entire puzzle. And while the project processes may look different, the expectations for the project result remain the same. Research shows that the quality of the work being done is just better when people feel as if they are provided an opportunity to leave their little mark, many times not needing any praise.

People like to lead from the shadows, to contribute and to be part of something great. They do not view that as “leadership” and therefore they are comfortable. Leading from behind provides safety and security. My challenge for you today as you plan your week:

What can you do to encourage someone on your team to lead from behind?

What can you do to help develop buy in by genuinely providing your team with opportunities for growth?

This takes time. You have to be available for questions. You will want to be patient and hone in on how each individual’s creative process works.

You will truly want to care about the individual growth and satisfaction of each member of the team.

Not everyone can see the big picture the same as you. They can visualize the small steps it takes to get there.

Show your team how to lead from behind, by providing discussion opportunities about important events. Genuinely listen and entertain their suggestions. Research shows time and again, that the best ideas are not the first ones. But the variation of all the ideas that came up during the planning.

Don’t Look Forward, You May Miss Today

Happy Friday y’all. I have long observed the obsession in people to continue to discount what is right in front of them, looking forward to that future thing that does not yet exist. I put myself in this category up until the last few years. This is especially true of weekends.

I have worked a number of roles, and have worked a number of shifts where the traditional weekend, week day, and week night, are completely blurred. However, I have observed that they all have one thing in common, the weekend, or some form of it.

People all over look forward to that glorious two days, every week. Here is how this typically goes.

When Monday comes, we spend the day talking about how short the weekend was and how awful it is to back at work. If only we had a four day work week. (spoiler alert, the weekend is the same number of days every week). Tuesday, we recognize that the next day is hump day.

I can not believe it is only Tuesday.

Wednesday it is the midway point, and yet, the weekend is so far away. Thursday may be the better of the five days and we have just one more day to wake up. But even then we say that with a tone of dread, followed by, I have so much work to do before the weekend. On Friday, there are just a few more hours before the proverbial bell rings that sets us free for the glorious two days off. Finally, 5pm on Friday and it is the weekend. Saturday morning, our day is filled with all the things that we had planned. And, amidst all of the fun we say to ourselves, or out loud;

I can not believe I have to go back to work on Monday!

On Sunday, many people are dreading the entire day as the walk of death to the dreaded work week. And the cycle repeats.

This pattern holds true for holidays, events, and vacations. Always looking forward and missing the moments that we have right now. Instead of spending your time upset that the weather is not “perfect”. Look out at that cloudy sky and be amazed by the cloud formations vs. you finally have a few days off and it is going to rain;

Just my luck.

Here is my challenge to all of you. If we know this happens to us and millions of others, what can you do, today, to help someone enjoy the moment? How can you help someone stop looking right past the very moment in time they are in, in favor of some unknown future, that they are going to dread being in anyway. The weekend, vacation, etc., always ends. The positive outlook does not. You have the power.

To tell a different story.

At work, how can you provide an opportunity to show someone the positive of the day? At home, in the coffee shop, at the bar having a few pops with friends. What can you say to help others enjoy the moment, right now, without qualification? This is a very different world that we live in today. People from all over are in need of positivity, a new way of viewing the accepted norms of our society. It is Friday, and Monday is just two days away and many of us will be back at the grind. What lens will you switch out in your internal camera to remove the negative and reveal the beauty of the moment.

New Month, New Start

Happy June 1, 2022 and Happy Hump Day. I created this site some time ago and yet this is the first post on my page. Mostly from fear, anxiety, stress, and who the heck is going to read this. My amazing wife suggested that I just write about something that is not about leadership directly, but more about helping all of you get to know what I am about a bit more; more about life.

Recently, my wife took me to Darlington to take in all three NASCAR races. It was my present for being around for 55 years. A pretty good present for me. We decided to make this an adventure and drive the 9 hours with our kayaks and find some places to paddle while we were there. We found a great place on the Pee Dee river to drop in that was unmarked and known mostly to the locals . While unloading our ‘yaks, a man, waiting for a friend, just struck up a conversation with us. He let us know the best direction to paddle and what to watch out for. He asked if we needed help and he was already in his boat getting ready to fish. We went up river about two miles, had some snacks and a beverage, and paddled back. On our return trip, another guy fishing asked if we saw the owl. He directed us back to this amazing, large owl, perched about ten feet above the water. The owl sat majestically, posing for my wife while she was taking some amazing pictures. I should clarify that for our paddling adventures, my wife takes a digital camera with her to help capture all the beauty and amazement that we discover. Cell phone cameras are nice and convenient but nothing beats a real camera, except perhaps a better real camera, I guess. Once we returned to where we dropped in, there were more strangers there, fishing and chatting us up, asking us about our experience and what did we see or find. Each person we spoke with was actually interested in our stories. Once we left South Carolina, we headed up through Tennessee to visit family and paddle on the Tennessee River. Where again, we ran in to strangers, interested in our story, as we were of theirs. It was an amazing ten days, 1800 plus miles of adventure. We had a big ol’ time, as they say.

As you read the above story, my wife and I have an imaginary place that we call Thompsonville (which I looked up and is a real place). In this make-believe utopian place, we care about only a few things for residency: Are you a good person? Are you kind? Are you genuine? It’s that simple! As you travel throughout your day, at home, around town, at work…..when you stop in to pick up lunch and a coffee, put your phone back in your pocket and use that time to take in someone’s story. Taking the time to get to know someone and show genuine interest, even for just a couple of minutes, can be the difference in that person, or yourself, having a great day or just a regular day. I approach meeting and talking with people I do not know without preconceived ideas. In turn, I am hopeful they do not have any preconceived ideas about myself. There is no personal history of some unjust act or previous conversation that did not go well. It frees me up to just be present in conversation, without all the cloudiness of any judgments. Perhaps, talking with people we know as if they are strangers provides us with a unique opportunity to really connect and be present at that moment. Find your river to paddle and take the time to talk and listen like strangers, even if you have history; you just may learn something new!

My Name is Tom

As you can see from the above Header, my name is Tom, or Tommy, Tommy T., Tommy Tom, or a number of different variations that can be used. Some by professional acquaintances. Some are ways that close friends have come to address me. There is a story behind my name, perhaps for a separate entry. But my name is not who I am. Why am I here, in this format. I am here, first and foremost, because I like to write, share, and have fun. My intention is for this to be a spot to come and just let go for a few minutes. While my page is dedicated to my professional development business, I also find myself reevaluating who I am, what I want, and how do I work to make every day, my best day. My hope is to offer insight that disrupts a traditional, even easy path of explanation. With this in mind, our experiences can enable us to pause and look for new, innovative approaches to life. I hope to provide a safe platform where we can gather and share and develop insight, knowledge, and wisdom. With each post and each take, I will share my experiences and thoughts on a variety of topics. Some that directly relate to the workplace, some that are more personal in nature. All will help us navigate this cumbersome, crazy, and unpredictable thing called life. And as in life, I anticipate that this blog will grow, evolve, and move as I grow, evolve, and develop. In my posts, you will gain a far greater insight to who I am than I can put down here in a few sentences. Thank you for being here and enjoy.